much too soon

This week I learned of a former w@wie lost her husband of almost two years. Their names sounded familiar, so I searched through my archived emails and that was when I realized that Aimee, the wife, was actually one of the few w@wies I have been in contact with outside the group.

I was in shock. Just a little over a year ago, we were planning both of our weddings and since we lived in practically the same area, we had basically the same list of prospective suppliers. I remember she was really nice to me and replied to my emails even if she was busy planning her own big day.

But what really struck me about her was how happy she was about marrying Archie. From their pictures it was crystal clear how much they loved each other. After our weddings I wasnt able to stay in touch with her and it really broke my heart to hear that Archie passed away.

I can only imagine what she must be feeling. I mean, they just started their lives together, how can he be gone already? It’s too soon. Much too soon.

Beauty Night

I was supposed to sleep already but I couldnt so I decided to try out some of the stuff I bought lately. yey! :) 

lately I've been excessively reading beauty blogs about hair and skin products. I know I'm a bit late in the game, most of my friends started when we were in our teens. But blessed with good genes, I didnt really see the need to slather on tons stuff. I'm a firm believer of : "if it ain't broke, dont fix it", plus I could not, for the life of me, stand sticky and overly fragrant lotions and potions so basically for the early part of my adult life, I stayed away from these. 

But when I turned 25 I realized I might as well start taking care of my skin more, thus the current obsession on hair and skin products. I still shy away from lotions though, but I did level up and now use moisturizers, yey for me! haha. 

So anyway, tonight I decided to try two of my latest buys:

Human Heart Nature Intense Moisture Hair Mask

photo from Human Heart Nature

Asian Secrets Lulur Whitening Body Scrub

photo from Women's Central

Will let you guys know what I think about these two soon. =)

note to self

note to self:

" joy comes to those who are willing to let go of the familiar and happily embrace the unknown."

Sent from my iPhone

curveball

I didn't see this coming. seriously.

For almost three years now, the whole game plan was after getting married, Maan moves to Japan. period. no ifs, no buts. it was crystal clear from the get go. I understood it, my family understood it, I even told my boss to expect it. That’s how sure I was that I was leaving Manila. But I guess somebody up there decided to throw us a curveball.

I really did not think this was one of our options. I asked James because my mom wanted me to, but never in a million years did I ever think he would actually consider it, much less say yes. And yet here we are, up to our noses with information about rice and mills and pigs and feeds. It’s all so crazy. My whole world has turned upside down in a matter of days. We have yet to make final plans but from what I can see, James is leaning towards taking this option instead.

Half of me is happy and excited but the other half is scared to bits. I know my family would jump for joy should we choose to stay here in Manila, on the other hand this is definitely a huge, GIGANTIC risk: starting from scratch, building a business from the ground up, a business we didn't even think we’d actually want, and that’s insanely scary. No, it’s not because I dont have faith in James, I know he’ll be great at it. He has the entrepreneur mojo, that much I am sure of.

It’s this whole “this is not part of our life plan” thing that drives me insane. Okay, I’ll go ahead and admit it: I am the biggest control freak in this side of the metro. I’m all for surprises, but something this huge scares the heck out of me.

I asked James if he’s at all scared and he said: “no.” I asked why and he answered: “dyan ako tatanda e..” that made me smile and feel much, much better. :)

he also shared this with me:

“ your decisions are always right if you're brave enough to face it's consequences..”

sigh. why does he always make sense every time I feel like I’m not making any? and why in heavens does he have more faith in me than I do with myself?

iphone blog test

it's been a while. havent felt like blogging lately. hopefully through
this i'll get my mojo back.

Sent from my iPhone

Yugatech's Show Me Your Oldest Photo

I was browsing through my emails and I chanced upon this post from Yugatech and I immediately got excited. :) I've been a lurker for years and this is the first time I'll be joining. :) so here you go, the oldest one I could find in my Facebook archives.. :)

This was taken when I was in preschool. I'm the 4th girl on the second row. Yup, the bungi one. hahaha. :) I remember crying the night before this picture was taken because it was then when I lost both teeth. yikes! :D

HELP!

been on emo mode for the past few days, noticed that I have been acting clingy and needy the past few days, much more than normal, must be my PMS acting up.

what the heck, who am I kidding. I’m sad. there I said it. I’m lonely and I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m upset. I miss James, I miss him so bad it reduces me to tears. I feel so helpless, parang I cant do anything.

I hate this, I hate myself for feeling like this. I have to be strong, I have to pretend I’m okay so that James will be okay. The last thing he needs is somebody dragging him down. no, I cant be this way. I have to be happy and supportive and yes, that word again: strong. have.to.be.strong.

Lord help me.

gotta have faith

Haven’t had the energy to blog lately. Everything has been a blur. Just an update on my doctor’s appointment: everything was clear. Yey! Thank you God! I’ll have to go back soon for another test and hopefully the results will be positive as well.

Work has been pretty much the same, although the past few days my desire to leave has doubled, if not tripled. Im disappointed with what’s happening. They’re treating us like crap and I don’t know just how much more I can stand. Hopefully, I get to leave by the end of this year. Sigh.

Speaking of my plans of leaving, James has been having a tough time with lately. There seems to be less work each month and that’s not good at all especially because we’re planning on me being with him the soonest possible time.

The last time we talked about this we decided James won’t be going home this December, and that just destroyed me, it was so bad I cried for days. But for the sake of finally living together in one place, I have to pretend I’m okay with it. Note to self: have.to.be.STRONG. I have to keep reminding myself that everything will iron themselves out sooner or later and I just gotta have faith. Yep, gotta have faith. sigh.

a silent prayer

Dear Lord,

I know I have not been the most obedient follower. I have not been praying as much and no one is to blame but me. You have blessed me and my family so much over the years and I should have been more grateful.

After all the blessings and especially after I have not been in touch with my faith for the longest time, I am ashamed to ask more from you. But right now I have no one else to turn to but you and I’m not sure I can do this alone.

I’m not sure what I should feel. I’m scared yet everybody keeps telling me I should not be. But there are just so many what ifs going through my head right not that it’s hard not to be scared.

Please remove fear from my head and replace it with a renewed peace of my mind.
Should there be further challenges ahead of me, ahead of us, please provide me with the strength to go through each and everyone of them as well as the faith to know that all things will come in your given time.

Thank you. That in all things, God May Be Glorified!

Maan

daydreaming

dear hon,

it’s 11 am on a Thursday morning. I know I’m supposed to try and sleep to get ready for work tonight, but you know me, I sleep late. :)

anyway, I was reading through my favorite blogs, willing myself to sleep, it’s not really working but what the heck, I like it. the posts got me daydreaming about what we could have been doing if only we were together.

1. Binondo Food Wok

I remember I mentioned this to you once, you said go but I had to say no because of the expense. (kuripot alert!) but just now I read of one blogger going on the trip with just a map and a list of restaurants to try. I’m thinking that’s more cost efficient and more adventurous (adventurous = maan, yeah right! hahaha..).

I know we’re really bad with directions, (okay I’M bad with directions) but we did get a lot of practice back when we were still in wedding planning mode, right? minus our screaming fits, (okay MY screaming fits) I’m thinking this would be perfect for us, dont you think so? plus we love to eat, heck I gained 10++ pounds the last time you came back home and I’m still working on getting them off, three months later. ahaha. :)

 

2. concerts, plays, etc.

watching Hairspray with you was one of the most special nights of my life and since then I longed for us to share another night of music and culture. if not for  the uber expensive tickets, I would have dragged you to every show there was last December.

this year there’s Cats and Rent and Legally Blonde and all other musicals that I really wish I could watch with you. Also I would have given in to the pricey APO tickets if you were here to watch it with me.

honestly I cannot believe you actually enjoy these things. did I luck out or what? :)

 

3. Boracay + Aklan + Iloilo

those 5 days in Iloilo two years ago were a blast. I loved every bit of it, from the beach to the food, to the people. I have not told you this but I was actually a bit scared that I’d bore you on that trip. We didnt have anybody else with us (well except for family in Iloilo) and I was a bit apprehensive you wont enjoy yourself as much as you did the last time you were there with friends. now I’’m still not sure if you did get bored but I sure as heck did not. oh and did I say I loved every single minute of it? :)

you shared Iloilo with me and I would really, really love to share Aklan with you. I have told you dozens of stories about the place and I wish I could let you experience it firsthand. I havent been to Boracay in years and I would love nothing else but to come back there with you in tow. besides Boracay will always be a paradise  and a party island all in one so I’m pretty sure you’d love it. (wink, wink..)

Sigh. I have so much more daydreams, more places to go see and more trips I want to take but I guess the bottomline of all this is I really wish we were not apart.

look I get it, we’ve had this talk dozens of times, but I really really REALLY wish we’re together and not thousands of miles apart.

I miss you everyday, you dont even know how much.

I love you, always..

maan

3 am ramblings

My self-imposed consultation to an OB is nearing and I am getting really antsy. I’m scared as hell.

What if they tell me I dont get to have kids? Just the thought of having to explain that to everybody is something I cannot even wrap my head around in. Not to mention the thought  or even the reality of being a failure and incomplete.

I am harder on myself than anybody else. I tend to beat myself up for every little failure or embarrassment. If the doctors tell me I dont have the capacity to bear a child, how bigger a failure can I possibly get?

Last week one of my cousins had a baby and I know you’re supposed to be happy and all but I was really envious. It’s wrong, not to mention pathetic but I can’t help it. Everytime I see a kid or I hear somebody gets pregnant, I get greener than the Hulk. It doesnt help that we can’t even try to have kids because James is not here.

Nobody understands. Nobody. They all think I’m nuts and that adds salt to the wounds. I try to play it cool, but deep inside, I cry and I ache.

Sometimes I wish somebody would just get me, understand my feelings and my thoughts, hug me tight and tell me everything is gonna be alright. Even if I probably wont believe them, just the thought that somebody cares that much, would be really great.

bittersweet

Just spoke with James. He had news that was bittersweet. I guess I’ll just be praying that everything will fall into place. Sigh.

Sometimes I wish I grew up in a family where my parents had to work abroad, maybe that way I’ll be more open to its realities, that way it would have been easier to accept if a loved one misses a birthday or an anniversary or Christmas.

Lord, please let everything fall into place. If not, please give me the strength to understand.

Amen.

..

sometimes I just want to be missed..

why?

why do i keep hoping for something that will probably never happen anyway? it’s like i’m setting myself up for failure. pathetic. really pathetic.

maybe it’s about i just take care of it on my own. no expectations = no hurt feelings.

--

i just want somebody to care..

.. to make the extra effort

.. to bridge the gap

.. to take the time

 

anyone?

sickly ramblings

I have been feeling like hell for the past couple of days. On and off cough and colds coupled with fever practically drained every energy I have in my body.

I braved work Monday but by Tuesday afternoon, I was depleted. Called in sick, never got a confirmation from my boss. I was pissed off. I mean, isn’t confirming part of basic decency? Waited until about 11pm, still had not gotten any reply. Whatever. If that’s how she wants to play it, then I’m game.

Came to work Wednesday night, I was still sick. So sick that I forgot my ID and had to get papa to bring it for me. Sigh. What a day. November feels like eons away. I want to quit, NOW. I don’t know how long I can take this kind of treatment or how long my patience will last.

haay life

mahirap pala pag nawalan ka na 
ng respeto sa isang tao, 
ang hirap ibalik.

a little rant

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the world’s most positive person. Heck I don’t even come close. But lately I have been noticing that more and more people tend to look for the negative in another person. It seems like we tend to gear towards putting down other people instead of trying to pull them up.

Like the past couple of months I have been telling a friend how much weight he has lost and every single time another person, who was really not part of the conversation in the first place, would chime in saying otherwise.  

Or if you see someone you haven’t seen for a long time, you can bet on it that someone, somewhere would always say: “ang taba mo..” or “ang laki ng tinaba mo..” or “lumulusog ka ata..”

I know us Filipinos usually find it funny when we make fun of others but it has been getting on my nerves lately.

funny!

on marriage:

Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married.. :)

on a health kick

For about three weeks now I have been on a health kick.  Well, not really a huge one, but I have been making different choices here and there. I buy my own groceries now (more fruits and veggies).  I have eliminated eating white rice completely, planning to delve into buying brown rice soon, maybe next week. I also keep a daily food journal to keep track of calories.

The biggest step I have done so far is I have been trying to exercise at least 4 days a week, about an hour a day.  Those who are close to me know how big a deal this is because I’m probably the most unsporty (if that’s even a word) person on this side of the Earth, And I really don’t like to sweat, so exercise is a huge, huge step. Haha. J

Despite all the health stuff, I still have a few sweet treats here and there, just to satisfy the cravings. I’d probably go crazy and give it all up if not for my treats. Although I try to keep the portions controlled and I try to make smarter decisions as well. (no to ice cream!)

I haven’t lost as much weight as I would like to have lost but at least I’m taking the steps. I started this whole health thing initially to lose weight but as each week passes, the objective seems to change as well, which I think is good.

I give myself little goals just to track my progress. Two weeks ago my goal was to eliminate rice, which I was successful in (thank God!). I lived on whole wheat bread and kamote and boiled saba and lettuce, lots and lots of lettuce. Hahaha. I would still eat ulam but I avoided the rice. It wasn’t that hard cause I’m not really a rice person. 3 weeks no rice and counting. Feels great. J

This week my goal is to eliminate red meat and try to stick with chicken and fish. Unlike the rice goal, which was easy peasy, this no red meat thing is hell, seriously. I live for pork.  I love everything pork. Beef not so much, but I really really miss my porky pork. Sigh. L Crossing my fingers I’ll last until Sunday, but so far so good.  :)

wish me luck everyone! :)

trust.

 

The best way to find out if

you can trust

somebody is to actually

trust them.

 

venting out.

I dont like confrontations. I dont like asking questions. I am perfectly happy being incognito. So why the heck does this always happen to me? Why am I always involved in situations where I would have to actually talk to someone. aargh, I hate this. I absolutely freakin’ hate this!

please make this easy on me. please.

oh and another thing, please give me more patience for the people around me. I dont need jokes being told at my expense or people blaming me for something I didnt even want in the first place.

I just need somebody who will tell me: “it’s okay. everything is going to be all right.” that’s it.

please, seriously.

thinking out loud..

I’m a homebody. I never really liked going out, I have never really been a party person or somebody who likes to travel all the time. I’m more of the stay-at-home-all-the-time-reading-all-the books-I-want kind of person.

But lately seeing my Facebook friends post pictures of the things they have been doing got me thinking about how full my life is. Am I missing a lot just because I prefer to stay at home with my TV and books?

I know life has so much to offer and I wonder if it’s about time I go out and see for myself what the world has been doing while I lock myself up in my room. Maybe it’s about time that I expand my horizons and try to do more stuff.

Lately I’ve been doing more and more stuff like working out and going grocery shopping, stuff I never thought I had the time to do. I have always felt I was too  busy to do these mundane things, turns I’m not.

The past couple of weeks that I have been doing all these stuff got me thinking about what else I can do, where else I can go. Or am I trying to do this all too fast? Maybe I should pace myself for a while, not that I have the patience for it. LOL.

hmm. I think I need a little more time to think.

a confession.

I woke up from this dream that James came back and we were finally together again. I cried. I cried really hard.

I dont know how long I can keep this up, how long I can pretend. I have been putting on a happy face for people who keep asking me how it is being married yet away from your husband. I have always said it’s okay, I’m okay, I’m used to it, whatever.

Truth is, I’m not. I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m all sorts of things and I’m definitely not happy. I try to occupy my time with work and workouts and TV and books, but that’s just it. I feel like an empty shell with no purpose or direction.

I keep telling myself that all is gonna be fine and that time will come that we wont have to deal with this whole long distance thing, but there are days when I feel like I am lying to myself. I dont know when I’m gonna get used to this set up, heck I dont even know IF I’m gonna get used to this set up.

Most of the time I feel envious of newly married couples that have begun to start their lives together. Sometimes I feel cheated of my “newlywed year”. I would love to try and start having kids, I would love for us to look at houses or take trips together, or even go grocery shopping together. Simple things that married people do.

Instead I’m back at my room, doing things I’ve done for years, trapped in a job I dont even like anymore, all because he has to work there and I have to stay here.

sucks. BIG TIME.

just because..

got James a tiny surprise. :) i only realized it was our fourth month being married when I took the pictures.. :)

     

50 Things She Wishes You Knew

came across this article in yahoo.  it’s funny but I could only relate to a few (while some were not so PG, so I stayed away from them. hahaha.):

You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).

I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

"Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.  (LOL!)

I expect you to call me.

I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.

You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (not all the time though. haha.)

When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways.

You look hot in hooded clothing items.

I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.

I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

A lady should always be greeted with kisses.

It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

here’s the whole article, for those interested.  :)

scared to death

I’ve shared this to only about a couple of my friends and James, of course. I’m scared, scared to death. For the longest time, even before James and I decided to get married, I have this nagging feeling that I wont be able to bear kids.

No, I have not had irregular periods, well except for a 1 or 2-month delay about once a year, nor have I experienced dysmenorrhea or any pain during my period. I’m not sure if this is paranoia talking or maybe I really should get myself checked, which is another thing I am super super scared of. Waaah.

Now that James and I are married I keep getting questions like: “so are you pregnant na?”, when are you having kids?”, “di ka pa buntis?”, etc. Most of the time I just smile but inside I am actually close to tears. I am uber sensitive about pregnancy stuff that I really, really try to stay away from them. Sadly, because I am a newlywed, I can’t.

If it were up to me, James and I would be trying to have kids right now. But my responsible husband is saying we should at least be financially stable first, which I must admit makes a lot of sense. Besides he’s in Japan, so definitely no kids for this year. I’m not even sure I can get checked without him, I mean I’ve read several forums where the wives say the husbands go through a whole series of tests as well, so I’m torn between going to the doctor alone, besides, as I said I am really really scared of doctors. Sigh.

To be honest, I’ve been trying to avoid going to social gatherings out of fear that somebody will ask me the baby question. Note to people (although probably no one gets to read my posts anyway): please don’t ask me pregnancy stuff cause I get really depressed right after. I promise I’ll at least get a consultation with an OB, just to see if something is wrong with me. I swear, really. Well, okay not this month, maybe next month?

on cheating

Spent most of the day reading about wives and girlfriends finding out that their partners have been cheating on them. Man, it was so heartbreaking to read their stories, and to think I dont even know them.

James and I never had a problem about cheating, well except for a phonecall I got from this girl about two or three years ago saying my then boyfriend, now husband, was seeing another girl in Japan and that he told her he would leave me for her. I still dont know what made her do that and I dont even know who she is until today. Besides, she didnt want to tell me who she was and in my book that in itself is doubtful.

I'm not sure how I will react when confronted with this situation. Will I be catatonic with pain? Will I lash out? Will I leave him? So many questions with no answers, crossing my fingers and my toes that I dont get to find out the answers.

-
to all those who have been cheated on:
never ever blame yourself. it is always the cheater who is at fault, no matter what his reasons are. cheating is inexcusable. period. you deserve better.

to those who cheat:
at least have the decency to tell your spouse or your significant other the truth. no matter which side you look at, what you did was wrong. period. you had the guts to cheat? then have the balls to admit it.

to those who knowingly engage into affairs with married people or even those who are not yet married but in a relationship:
i pity you. seriously. whether it was out of love or lust or money, what you are doing is wrong and will always be wrong. get a life. get your own life!

plans changed

I just found out today that I wont be able to go to Japan soon. We just computed our earnings and it wont be enough for me to be able to relocate there. It's sad cause I really really miss James but I guess it's all for the best. Everything happens for a reason.

--
crossing my fingers that some things will change and I'll still be able to go. sigh.

i miss him.

woke up today missing James. sigh. although I’d like to think I’ve been getting better in this whole long distance thing, there are just days when I really really wish he is not a country away.

I know I’m supposed to suck it all up ‘cause it’s the right thing to do, yadah, yadah, yadah. I’m supposed to be the good, supportive wife and all that crap. But there are days like today when I feel like throwing a tantrum.

I mean, I’m a newlywed for godsakes! Isnt the first year supposed to be for canoodling with your new husband? We’re supposed to be with each other 24/7 and not care about boring stuff like money and houses. Well I guess it really doesnt work that way in the real world.

sigh. seems like I’ve been sighing on this blog for weeks. not good. not good at all. can’t wait for July. seriously.

frustrated.

I took a leave off work today. I just felt I needed a break from everything. Lately it hasn't been fun, in fact there are days when I feel like quitting altogether. I feel the environment has become so toxic and so intolerable that not a day goes by that I don't get tempted to finally hand in my resignation letter.

I used to think that as long as I do my best at what I do, try to go the extra mile and exert effort every so often, they would at least treat me well. But I was wrong. I guess life doesn't really work that way. As long as they can use you to make things easier for them, they will. But the moment you show signs of weakness or vulnerability, they treat you like you’re the worst employee ever. It’s frustrating.

Let’s face it. At one point or another, you’ll get sick, you’ll need to attend to an emergency or heaven forbid you have to put yourself first, I and honestly I really thought they would at least take into account that I have been dependable and responsible and respectful, but no, they treated me like somebody who shirks on the job or somebody who doesnt take in extra work when asked.

I have been planning to resign for the longest time but have postponed it for one reason or another. But as each day passes by, my resolve to finally rid myself of this frustrating situation gets stronger. It’s about time I put myself first or at least treat myself a little better cause they certainly will not.

soon.

sigh

I have so many things to say, so many stories to tell, so many emotions unravel, yet everytime I face the computer and try to blog about it, nothing comes out and I just feel so tired all of a sudden.

sigh.

My V-Day Surprise

I know this post is a bit late, but I got caught up with work and with James leaving for Japan again, I wallowed in my sad thoughts for about a week. Anyway, here’s our story:

The day started a bit rough, James and I had a little misunderstanding. I was an emotional wreck. It was our first Valentine’s day together in three years and our first one as husband and wife. I hinted for flowers weeks in advance (pathetic, I know) but I just wanted the day to be really, really, REALLY special and romantic.

I remember it was already 10 am, we were on our way to Las Pinas and it seemed like he had nothing planned. I was getting more and more upset by the minute but I didn’t want to show it so I kept quiet, which made it even more obvious now that I think about it. Haha. :)

James kept asking what was wrong with me cause I was crying already and I didn’t want to fess up cause honestly I felt I was being silly and childish, but I really really wanted the day to be super magical and it didn’t seem like James had any plans even after all the hints I dropped weeks in advance. Well, guess what, I was wrong, BIG TIME.

We had lunch with the family first, yummy yummy food from Conti’s. afterwards, off we went to Alabang Town Center. We had a 7pm reservation at Sophia’s and it was still quite early, so we just walked around and then had coffee at Coffee Bean.

By 6pm we were already parking the car, again it was still too early, so we took a few silly photos (ahahaha):)

                

                

Around 6:45 we went inside. The restaurant was pretty, really pretty. I loved it the moment we entered. We were ushered to the second floor and we were lead to a table with James’ name on it. An acoustic trio serenaded an elderly couple while James and I busied ourselves taking more pictures. Haha. :)  

The food? Tasty. :) I don’t really remember what we ordered, haha, but I do remember that I was satisfied with what I ate and I’m pretty sure James loved what he had also. :)

So anyway, on to the best part of the night.. after requesting for the bill, James excused himself to go the restroom. I remember thinking that the night was magical as it was: the restaurant was great, servers were attentive, I was with my husband. It was perfect and I could not have asked for anything more. So what if I didn’t get flowers? I was happy with what James planned.

After a few minutes, I was getting a bit restless, (blame my short attention span.. hahaha..) James was taking too long in the restroom. I was about to stand up and look for him when the acoustic trio approached our table. One of the manongs said: “good evening ma’am..” and they all smiled at me. I smiled back and instantly I felt my cheeks getting redder by the minute.

Our table was in the center of the restaurant for crying out loud and I was sitting all alone and all the people inside Sophia’s were starting to look my way because the trio started playing. I continued smiling at them (hey I didn’t want to be rude) but deep inside I was praying: “please God make James come back now na, please, please, please..” hahaha. :)

It was only after the guitar intro that I realized what these guys were playing:

“it’s late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear, she puts on her makeup and brushes her long brown hair..”

I started tearing up, Wonderful Tonight, it was the song James and I danced to on my 18^thbirthday. Our first dance ever as a couple on a night I officially introduced him to the rest of my family. Sigh, memories.

“and then she asked me do I look all right and I said yes, you look wonderful tonight..”

I must have looked crazy, my cheeks were red from the embarrassment of sitting all alone and my eyes were getting tearier by the minute. And then just as I was about to melt into tears, James came bounding up the stairs, with a huge bouquet of roses in his hand, he came straight to me and kissed me and that’s when I realized this was his big valentine’s day surprise for me.

I was speechless, everyone was looking at us but I didn’t really mind anymore. (I think some of them thought James was about to propose, hahaha…) I had the biggest smile on my face and I just stared at James silently thinking: man, how lucky can I get? Thank you God for a wonderful man, who cared enough to orchestrate this whole thing.

I was in awe. It was like the time he had my college classmates give me flowers just as I was about to go to class, or the time he asked Tin to give me a present on his behalf because he was in Japan at that time. It was like those times, only a hundred more times better. :)

So, anyway the trio continued singing a couple more songs (James told me they were only supposed to sing one song, I guess natuwa din sila sa ginawa ng asawa ko. Wehehe.) We then left Sophia’s and went straight to Congo Grille for after dinner drinks. Afterwards, we ended the night with, what else? Playing Monopoly on Wii. Hahaha.. :)

It was truly a magical night, far, far more than what I had hoped to have.. :)

--

thank you honey for that wonderful surprise. thank you for putting up with my tantrums and silly ideas. I love you so, so much. Until our next valentine’s.. :)

repost: 10 days after - Lessons Learned

it has been 10 days since the wedding and we have yet to fully recover. although things didn't go perfectly, I believe I had the wedding of my dreams. most of our suppliers did phenomenal, I say most because one of them really stressed everyone out. (more on that later).

married life has been fun so far. the past 10 days have been a blur of adjustments, compromises and real life changes. I am overly happy and I really could not ask for anything more (well except for a new phone, hahaha). we planned the wedding for more than a year and yes it's true what they say that everything passes by so fast, sometimes I actually wish I could press rewind and experience it all over again just so I can relish the feeling of getting married one more time.

former brides and now wives have been telling me I better enjoy the preps cause I'll miss it for sure. well so far I havent missed it yet. I dont miss the stress, the sleepless nights, the so emotional crying-over-just-about-anything days and oh yeah, the stress. i am over-to-the-moon happy that I dont have to deal with never ending schedule changes and pasaway suppliers (okay, I only had one pasaway supplier).

i want to relive the wedding, not the preps. now that I have the time to look back, I actually think one of the reasons why I was so happy on our wedding day (well aside from the fact I'm finally marrying the love of my life), was because the preps were finally FINALLY over. haha. :)in 19 months of prepping (is there even such a word?) I have learned a few stuff that I do want to share them with the rest of the brides out there:

1. It is never too early to start planning.
we started the whole preparation thing April 2008 and we did get a lot of "ano ba yan ang aga aga pa masyado.." and "sus, ang tagal pa naman pala. madami pang pwedeng mangyari.", etc. we also got a lot of snickers and giggles behind our backs (some even not bothering to hide their amusement) everytime we'd tell them our wedding would be in December 2009. I admit I got hurt the first few times I heard their comments, but I just consoled myself with the thought that it's our wedding anyway, not theirs.

because we planned months ahead, we managed to save a lot. we were able to get the previous rates of our suppliers. we were also able to get the suppliers we wanted. we had the time to canvass, research and actually meet them before deciding. we had the time to run around bridal fairs without the pressure of actually needing to book somebody. preparing early is one thing I feel thankful we did, most especially since we had a December wedding. as all us brides and former brides now, December is the new June so it really pays to start early.

2. To each his own. Take every feedback with a grain of salt.

FACT: brides (and grooms) are all different. yes some have the same taste, the same fashion sense, the same ideas, but at the end of the day, bottomline: we're still all different. what worked for one couple may not necessarily for you, thus there's no point in comparing and in raising hell when one supposedly well-loved supplier fails you. there's no point in asking: "bakit sa kanila pwede, samin di gumana?" again: EVERY WEDDING IS DIFFERENT.

w@w has been a wealth of information and has truly guided us in choosing our suppliers. the feedback part is great but early on I realized never to rely on it so much, to the point that the feedback will be the main reason why we're hiring a supplier. yes, research on your prospective suppliers but please, learn to trust your own instincts as well.

and just the same as good feedback doesnt guarantee good service, bad feedback also does not automatically mean you'll get bad service. like in our case a lot of people had really bad things to say about our videographer, but heck when we met him, we trusted him off bat. we went with our guts and he has given us the best prenup and onsite videos ever. the key to getting great suppliers is trusting your own guts. really.

3. Let Go. Have fun.

I was adamant on letting go of all the wedding stress a week before and had it not been for the pasaway supplier, I would have succeeded. nevertheless, to this day I still pride myself for letting go of everything on the wedding day itself. some people disappeared from the guestlist ( my fault, by the way.)? whatever. the avp I worked so hard on didnt play? dedma. my designer who was supposed to bustle up my gown so I can dance during the reception didnt even show his face? haay. ipasadiyos nalang.

I was able to enjoy every single second of the wedding because I did not allow myself to stress over the little things. I never prayed for a perfect wedding, all I ever wanted was to be able to enjoy it and I got just that, thank God. The glitches actually made it more special and endearing and funny and memorable. To this day I am so thankful that not only did we have reliable suppliers who were able to ride through the glitches, more than that I am so grateful that God allowed me to let go and I did.

it has been 10 days and no, I dont have post-wedding blues. I'm just happy, really really happy. :) Best Wishes to all brides out there. keep visiting this blog for more wedding inspiration pictures. :)

take care,

Mrs. Maan Rodriguez- Alonzo :)

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

12.18.2009

" no matter what the future holds,
as long as I have you,
I am complete.."

--
I am a witness to the suffering of my people.
I am a chronicler of truth and a catalyst of change.

-The Scholastican-

DISCLOSURE POLICY

To Whom It May Concern:

This policy is valid from 01 February 2010

This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact maanrodriguez@gmail.com.

This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.

The compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. Those advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements.

The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products.

The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.

Thank you,

Maan Rodriguez - Alonzo