Saturday, July 10, 2010


been on emo mode for the past few days, noticed that I have been acting clingy and needy the past few days, much more than normal, must be my PMS acting up.

what the heck, who am I kidding. I’m sad. there I said it. I’m lonely and I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m upset. I miss James, I miss him so bad it reduces me to tears. I feel so helpless, parang I cant do anything.

I hate this, I hate myself for feeling like this. I have to be strong, I have to pretend I’m okay so that James will be okay. The last thing he needs is somebody dragging him down. no, I cant be this way. I have to be happy and supportive and yes, that word again: strong.

Lord help me.

Friday, July 9, 2010

gotta have faith

Haven’t had the energy to blog lately. Everything has been a blur. Just an update on my doctor’s appointment: everything was clear. Yey! Thank you God! I’ll have to go back soon for another test and hopefully the results will be positive as well.

Work has been pretty much the same, although the past few days my desire to leave has doubled, if not tripled. Im disappointed with what’s happening. They’re treating us like crap and I don’t know just how much more I can stand. Hopefully, I get to leave by the end of this year. Sigh.

Speaking of my plans of leaving, James has been having a tough time with lately. There seems to be less work each month and that’s not good at all especially because we’re planning on me being with him the soonest possible time.

The last time we talked about this we decided James won’t be going home this December, and that just destroyed me, it was so bad I cried for days. But for the sake of finally living together in one place, I have to pretend I’m okay with it. Note to self: I have to keep reminding myself that everything will iron themselves out sooner or later and I just gotta have faith. Yep, gotta have faith. sigh.