waaaaah!

you know it's not your day when:

1. you have 200+ tasks and you have to attend a 1 hour training which extended to an hour and a half. (pero in fairness, masaya yung training.)

2. you come back to your station ready to work and find out your computer is so useless, you have to restart every 5 minutes because for some reason it freezes every time you open a file.

3. you try calling IT for help and they say: "wala kami magagawa. request nalang for replacement."

3. you try to eat dinner (tuna casserole) and you spill it all over your pants, shirt and jacket and you smell like tuna the rest of the night, no matter how many times you try washing it out.

4. you were so excited that you're finally done with work when suddenly you realize you still have one more spreadsheet left and you end up staying another hour.

5. you're finally about to go home and decided to pass by the atm machine and then it tells you: "sorry this machine cant dispense cash right now. "

seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!!! kaloka. :D



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Awful Work Week

It was a bad, bad work week for me. I made mistakes I shouldn't be making plus I got accused of mistakes I didn't even make. 

I just wish before people start talking, they'd at least ensure that they know what they are talking about. It was hard enough that I made that stupid error, then to be accused of committing another one without even double-checking what really happened, UGH, it was just so frustrating. Anywaaaaaaaay. I heard we're facing 2 hours of overtime everyday next week. I'm just hoping I'll be able to get through it, without further mishaps.

I am so looking forward to Wednesday, my first vacation leave in, I think, 2 months. yey!

curveball

whew. I have barely gotten over the last one and yet I am about to be faced by another one. James is gonna resign from his job. The decision is made, I can't do anything about it. 

On one hand, I feel so bad for him cause I really saw that he did try his heart out it's just that maybe he really is not the office type of guy. He's more into labor intensive work, which is really hard to come by in this country. I also think he has the guts and the heart for business, which I dont have. I'm not a risk taker, which is a main requirement in starting a business. 

On the other hand, like I said I am afraid of taking risks and resigning from a job without even a concrete plan on what to do next is a huge, gargantuan risk for me. It's scary, to say the least. 

I am sooo tempted to demand James not to resign but it really breaks my heart every time I see him down and out just because his job makes him feels so inadequate. I dont think anyone should suffer that much, at least not somebody I love to bits. Plus as I said he has the heart for business, so who knows maybe he'll get his long-awaited success in that area. 

James is a brilliant, brilliant man. He's very smart, he comes up with great ideas plus he's very nice to people (generally. LOL.) He wont admit it, but he has the heart of a teddy bear. He would seem rough and tough on the outside but his heart easily melts. We "discuss" a lot because we are both so opinionated and we're always seem to be on opposite ends. It irritates me but every time we "discuss" I would always end up amazed at how he looks at things. It's so different from mine. (please dont tell him I said that. hahaha). 

His brains, his heart plus his risk-taking, i-am-not-scared-of-anything attitude I think would make a good businessman. And as my mama said it's the best time to take risks. We're still young, we don't have kids yet, so basically the only thing we have to lose is our pride and our money. Money, we can eventually earn again and as for pride? Everybody needs a good fall every now and then. That's what makes us human. That's what makes us appreciate the life that we have.

So anyway, as scared as I am, I am determined to support him in whatever he wants to do. It's his turn. He humored me by trying to work in an office, I think it's about time I give in to what he feels he wants. 

Dear Lord, please help me find the strength, the patience and most importantly the faith to be able to get through this. 

Hon, if in case you'll come across this post, (which I highly doubt), I just wanted to say I love you so much and I believe in you with every single cell in my body. Let's do this.

Cant Fight Biology

I chanced upon this episode of Grey's Anatomy last weekend and I was in tears yet again. (LOL.) What Derek said to Meredith in the last scene was basically what James was telling me all this time and that really hit me hard. here goes:

Derek: Here's what we're gonna do. No more doctors, no more labs. You and I we have a lot of sex. Maybe we make a baby, maybe we do not. Maybe you get Alzheimer's, maybe you do not. Just screw the odds, screw science. Let's just live. Whatever happens. Happens. Me and you. Okay?

Just like Meredith, I was the anxious one. I wanted to undergo tests, treatment, whatever. And I wanted it right away, without even trying if we could do it naturally. Yes, I was the crazy one. And James? He was the semi-crazy one. LOL. (you didnt think I was gonna say he was the sane one, did ya? hahaha.)

I think the main reason I was scared about not being able to have kids (well aside from hearing other people talk about us or telling me straight me to my face that having kids is the end all and be all of married life) was because I didnt want to disappoint James. I mean, he likes kids, he's great with kids so I thought he automatically wanted kids.Well apparently not, well not yet anyway.

I think it was just last week when we talked about kids again and yes he is still pretty much decided that it's still not yet time to have one. Me? Well I'm just basically relieved. At least I no longer spend days and nights (and a few afternoons) worrying about having kids and disappointing him. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree that this is just not the time to have a baby (see previous posts).

Now I just have to worry about deflecting other people's comments and I'm so not good at this. Either I stomp away then cry or I say something I later regret. oh well, cant win them all.

 

oh and just in case you guys are wondering, we are open about adopting. (well at least I am. but I'm not gonna worry my little ahead about it for now.) I'm perfectly happy with the way things are going with me and James and that's all that matters for now.

tired.

some days you just feel like you've been run over by a 16-wheeler truck.

this is one of those days.

i need a vacation. stat.