I chanced upon this episode of Grey's Anatomy last weekend and I was in tears yet again. (LOL.) What Derek said to Meredith in the last scene was basically what James was telling me all this time and that really hit me hard. here goes:
Derek: Here's what we're gonna do. No more doctors, no more labs. You and I we have a lot of sex. Maybe we make a baby, maybe we do not. Maybe you get Alzheimer's, maybe you do not. Just screw the odds, screw science. Let's just live. Whatever happens. Happens. Me and you. Okay?
Just like Meredith, I was the anxious one. I wanted to undergo tests, treatment, whatever. And I wanted it right away, without even trying if we could do it naturally. Yes, I was the crazy one. And James? He was the semi-crazy one. LOL. (you didnt think I was gonna say he was the sane one, did ya? hahaha.)
I think the main reason I was scared about not being able to have kids (well aside from hearing other people talk about us or telling me straight me to my face that having kids is the end all and be all of married life) was because I didnt want to disappoint James. I mean, he likes kids, he's great with kids so I thought he automatically wanted kids.Well apparently not, well not yet anyway.
I think it was just last week when we talked about kids again and yes he is still pretty much decided that it's still not yet time to have one. Me? Well I'm just basically relieved. At least I no longer spend days and nights (and a few afternoons) worrying about having kids and disappointing him. And yes, I wholeheartedly agree that this is just not the time to have a baby (see previous posts).
Now I just have to worry about deflecting other people's comments and I'm so not good at this. Either I stomp away then cry or I say something I later regret. oh well, cant win them all.
oh and just in case you guys are wondering, we are open about adopting. (well at least I am. but I'm not gonna worry my little ahead about it for now.) I'm perfectly happy with the way things are going with me and James and that's all that matters for now.
