sigh.
well, we've been married for a little over a year now and some people have really been relentless in asking us when's the baby coming. ugh.
seriously, is this ever gonna stop? im really getting tired of all the questions. usually i would smile and just laugh when asked, but inside i get really upset, so much so that as soon as i get home, i cry. well, most of the time anyway.
i cry because i feel like i am a failure in their eyes. they make me feel like i failed my husband and the rest of the humane society just because i have not gotten pregnant yet. i pity my husband because everytime i get upset, i take it all out on him and being the great husband that he is, he just shuts up and listens, then wraps me im a big tight hug afterwards.
i guess i could not really blame those people who pry because they dont know that the mere idea of not having the ability to bear kids is one of my biggest fears and how upset i get everytime i get asked the baby question. my fault for just smiling and cracking jokes, when inside i feel like bursting into tears. sigh.
truth be told, i am currently enjoying the time i have with James. we've been apart for most of our first year of marriage, so it's really a treat to have him right beside me every single day.
i love how we're free to go out anytime we want, we get to pack up and leave even without advance planning. we get to have all the alone time, to do whatever we want to do, without worrying ourselves sick over how to pay for diapers or milk or check ups and all those stuff included in being a parent. basically, we get to have fun on our own terms.
dont get me wrong, i'd love to have kids. we both adore kids. but maybe the reason why we're not yet blessed with one is because we are being given time to enjoy each other first, to wear each other out. LOL. :D
now if only people would stop asking. sigh.
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