So Mama has Cancer. Yes, CANCER. The Big C, CA. We were first told it was Stage 0, then after the mastectomy they found another cyst, which turned out to be Stage 1 then it turns out you have to add the sizes of both cysts (which the surgeon, I suppose, forgot to do) and now she's Stage IIA. Crazy, I know.
I cant speak for the rest of my family but it has been especially hard for me. I've been putting up a front with everybody, laughing, making jokes, etc but once in a while I would just burst into tears (like now). I try to busy myself with cooking, working and taking care of some stuff around the house but this whole thing haunts the rest of my waking, even sleeping hours.
It amazes me how Mama is so calm about this. From the diagnosis, to the mastectomy to the announcement that she's actually has Stage IIA cancer, she has been very strong and calm. Me? Well I'm a big bucket of nerves and tears. Thank God for James who tries to keep me strong and pushes me to have faith that all will be well.
I try to keep a positive outlook but there are times when I just want to curl up into a ball and just cry the days and nights away. Not that it would help, but sometimes I feel like I just want to vanish, to escape. I just want things to be back to normal so badly, it really really hurts.
This Friday we're starting chemo. Again I am scared to bits but I just keep on telling myself if Mama can be strong, why can't I? I draw my strength from her and from the rest of my family and friends. I have to do this. Scratch that. I CAN DO THIS. WE CAN DO THIS.
