Yugatech's Show Me Your Oldest Photo

I was browsing through my emails and I chanced upon this post from Yugatech and I immediately got excited. :) I've been a lurker for years and this is the first time I'll be joining. :) so here you go, the oldest one I could find in my Facebook archives.. :)

This was taken when I was in preschool. I'm the 4th girl on the second row. Yup, the bungi one. hahaha. :) I remember crying the night before this picture was taken because it was then when I lost both teeth. yikes! :D

HELP!

been on emo mode for the past few days, noticed that I have been acting clingy and needy the past few days, much more than normal, must be my PMS acting up.

what the heck, who am I kidding. I’m sad. there I said it. I’m lonely and I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m upset. I miss James, I miss him so bad it reduces me to tears. I feel so helpless, parang I cant do anything.

I hate this, I hate myself for feeling like this. I have to be strong, I have to pretend I’m okay so that James will be okay. The last thing he needs is somebody dragging him down. no, I cant be this way. I have to be happy and supportive and yes, that word again: strong. have.to.be.strong.

Lord help me.

gotta have faith

Haven’t had the energy to blog lately. Everything has been a blur. Just an update on my doctor’s appointment: everything was clear. Yey! Thank you God! I’ll have to go back soon for another test and hopefully the results will be positive as well.

Work has been pretty much the same, although the past few days my desire to leave has doubled, if not tripled. Im disappointed with what’s happening. They’re treating us like crap and I don’t know just how much more I can stand. Hopefully, I get to leave by the end of this year. Sigh.

Speaking of my plans of leaving, James has been having a tough time with lately. There seems to be less work each month and that’s not good at all especially because we’re planning on me being with him the soonest possible time.

The last time we talked about this we decided James won’t be going home this December, and that just destroyed me, it was so bad I cried for days. But for the sake of finally living together in one place, I have to pretend I’m okay with it. Note to self: have.to.be.STRONG. I have to keep reminding myself that everything will iron themselves out sooner or later and I just gotta have faith. Yep, gotta have faith. sigh.

a silent prayer

Dear Lord,

I know I have not been the most obedient follower. I have not been praying as much and no one is to blame but me. You have blessed me and my family so much over the years and I should have been more grateful.

After all the blessings and especially after I have not been in touch with my faith for the longest time, I am ashamed to ask more from you. But right now I have no one else to turn to but you and I’m not sure I can do this alone.

I’m not sure what I should feel. I’m scared yet everybody keeps telling me I should not be. But there are just so many what ifs going through my head right not that it’s hard not to be scared.

Please remove fear from my head and replace it with a renewed peace of my mind.
Should there be further challenges ahead of me, ahead of us, please provide me with the strength to go through each and everyone of them as well as the faith to know that all things will come in your given time.

Thank you. That in all things, God May Be Glorified!

Maan

daydreaming

dear hon,

it’s 11 am on a Thursday morning. I know I’m supposed to try and sleep to get ready for work tonight, but you know me, I sleep late. :)

anyway, I was reading through my favorite blogs, willing myself to sleep, it’s not really working but what the heck, I like it. the posts got me daydreaming about what we could have been doing if only we were together.

1. Binondo Food Wok

I remember I mentioned this to you once, you said go but I had to say no because of the expense. (kuripot alert!) but just now I read of one blogger going on the trip with just a map and a list of restaurants to try. I’m thinking that’s more cost efficient and more adventurous (adventurous = maan, yeah right! hahaha..).

I know we’re really bad with directions, (okay I’M bad with directions) but we did get a lot of practice back when we were still in wedding planning mode, right? minus our screaming fits, (okay MY screaming fits) I’m thinking this would be perfect for us, dont you think so? plus we love to eat, heck I gained 10++ pounds the last time you came back home and I’m still working on getting them off, three months later. ahaha. :)

 

2. concerts, plays, etc.

watching Hairspray with you was one of the most special nights of my life and since then I longed for us to share another night of music and culture. if not for  the uber expensive tickets, I would have dragged you to every show there was last December.

this year there’s Cats and Rent and Legally Blonde and all other musicals that I really wish I could watch with you. Also I would have given in to the pricey APO tickets if you were here to watch it with me.

honestly I cannot believe you actually enjoy these things. did I luck out or what? :)

 

3. Boracay + Aklan + Iloilo

those 5 days in Iloilo two years ago were a blast. I loved every bit of it, from the beach to the food, to the people. I have not told you this but I was actually a bit scared that I’d bore you on that trip. We didnt have anybody else with us (well except for family in Iloilo) and I was a bit apprehensive you wont enjoy yourself as much as you did the last time you were there with friends. now I’’m still not sure if you did get bored but I sure as heck did not. oh and did I say I loved every single minute of it? :)

you shared Iloilo with me and I would really, really love to share Aklan with you. I have told you dozens of stories about the place and I wish I could let you experience it firsthand. I havent been to Boracay in years and I would love nothing else but to come back there with you in tow. besides Boracay will always be a paradise  and a party island all in one so I’m pretty sure you’d love it. (wink, wink..)

Sigh. I have so much more daydreams, more places to go see and more trips I want to take but I guess the bottomline of all this is I really wish we were not apart.

look I get it, we’ve had this talk dozens of times, but I really really REALLY wish we’re together and not thousands of miles apart.

I miss you everyday, you dont even know how much.

I love you, always..

maan