another day of disappointment. yep, got the Big Red again today. sigh. my resolve to be positive and strong all flew out the window. i wanted to cry my heart out and ask why over and over and over again. i wanted to scream, lock myself in my room and never go out.
ugh. i feel so useless, so inadequate. i want to forget, but i cant. i want to break free from the pressure, but for some stupid reason i keep getting trapped in my own stressful and worry-filled world.
why cant i be positive or at the very least, be happy with what i have right now? i have a job that pays well. i can buy my basic necessities and at the same time i have the ability to indulge once in a while. i have parents who love me for me and who i actually enjoy spending time with.
best of all, i have a husband who can make me laugh at any given time and actually tolerates my mood swings (okay, he does flip out sometimes, but more often than not, he just accepts it.) a husband who hugged me then said: "we still have time, dont worry." sigh. i have practically everything i want in life, all except for THAT.
see, now i feel even worse. i have all these in my life, yet i am complaining? a huge part of me is screaming: "just be grateful, stupid!" but a tiny part is whispering: "but i really, really want one already."
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