trust.

 

The best way to find out if

you can trust

somebody is to actually

trust them.

 

venting out.

I dont like confrontations. I dont like asking questions. I am perfectly happy being incognito. So why the heck does this always happen to me? Why am I always involved in situations where I would have to actually talk to someone. aargh, I hate this. I absolutely freakin’ hate this!

please make this easy on me. please.

oh and another thing, please give me more patience for the people around me. I dont need jokes being told at my expense or people blaming me for something I didnt even want in the first place.

I just need somebody who will tell me: “it’s okay. everything is going to be all right.” that’s it.

please, seriously.

thinking out loud..

I’m a homebody. I never really liked going out, I have never really been a party person or somebody who likes to travel all the time. I’m more of the stay-at-home-all-the-time-reading-all-the books-I-want kind of person.

But lately seeing my Facebook friends post pictures of the things they have been doing got me thinking about how full my life is. Am I missing a lot just because I prefer to stay at home with my TV and books?

I know life has so much to offer and I wonder if it’s about time I go out and see for myself what the world has been doing while I lock myself up in my room. Maybe it’s about time that I expand my horizons and try to do more stuff.

Lately I’ve been doing more and more stuff like working out and going grocery shopping, stuff I never thought I had the time to do. I have always felt I was too  busy to do these mundane things, turns I’m not.

The past couple of weeks that I have been doing all these stuff got me thinking about what else I can do, where else I can go. Or am I trying to do this all too fast? Maybe I should pace myself for a while, not that I have the patience for it. LOL.

hmm. I think I need a little more time to think.

a confession.

I woke up from this dream that James came back and we were finally together again. I cried. I cried really hard.

I dont know how long I can keep this up, how long I can pretend. I have been putting on a happy face for people who keep asking me how it is being married yet away from your husband. I have always said it’s okay, I’m okay, I’m used to it, whatever.

Truth is, I’m not. I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m all sorts of things and I’m definitely not happy. I try to occupy my time with work and workouts and TV and books, but that’s just it. I feel like an empty shell with no purpose or direction.

I keep telling myself that all is gonna be fine and that time will come that we wont have to deal with this whole long distance thing, but there are days when I feel like I am lying to myself. I dont know when I’m gonna get used to this set up, heck I dont even know IF I’m gonna get used to this set up.

Most of the time I feel envious of newly married couples that have begun to start their lives together. Sometimes I feel cheated of my “newlywed year”. I would love to try and start having kids, I would love for us to look at houses or take trips together, or even go grocery shopping together. Simple things that married people do.

Instead I’m back at my room, doing things I’ve done for years, trapped in a job I dont even like anymore, all because he has to work there and I have to stay here.

sucks. BIG TIME.

just because..

got James a tiny surprise. :) i only realized it was our fourth month being married when I took the pictures.. :)